|Airdate||September 24, 1990|
|Written by||Rob Edwards|
|Directed by||Jeff Melman|
Bang the Drum, Ashley
Not with My Pig, You Don't
By George, he's got it! To impress a young lady, Will takes perfect-gentlemen lessons from Carlton.
At the country club, Hilary is at a table with her friend Toni, bad-mouthing people that walk by them. Afterwards, Will and Carlton accidentally drive a golf cart into the building and are caught by Philip. Will claims it was a squirrel that just appeared out of nowhere. Vivian calms her husband down, insisting they inform the manager about this, but rather than draw more attention to themselves, Philip insists on moving it out himself. Will then proceeds to leave, saying the place is "whack." However, before he does, he catches sight of a lady by the name of Mimi Mumford. Carlton informs him that he cannot date her unless he can impress her father, Dr. Mumford, who is also known around the parts as "Dr. No," due to the fact he always says no to every suitor that isn't good enough for his daughter.
Back at the house, Will asks Carlton what type of guys would impress Dr. No. Carlton replies saying guys like him. Will asks him why he hasn't asked her out. Carlton says that's she not his type. He then tells Will that he lacks the social graces to impress Dr. No. However, Will is more than eager to try and become a gentlemen. Carlton asks how he proposes on going about it. Will tells him that all he needs to do be like him, but Carlton warns him that it is not that easy.
Carlton begins teaching Will the proper ways of being a gentlemen a la My Fair Lady. He first teaches him how to sit down and walk properly. The two then practice asking each other out and are spotted by Vivian. Philip then walks in asking what they are doing. When Carlton tells him about Will's crush on Mimi Mumford and how he's trying to become a gentlemen, Philip wants in. The three are in the bathroom teaching Will the proper way to put on a bow-tie. Back at the living room, Will asks his uncle how he used to get girls back then. Philip sits by him and tells him about how he would take a woman's hand and stroke it, blow gently in her ear, then make a low, rumbling hypnotic sound. Vivian hugs him, reminding him that what he did on their first date.
Geoffrey then decides to take part in the process. He then shows Will his way of getting ladies. After mastering the techniques, Carlton has Will dress up in a preppy outfit and brings him back to the country club, going over the routine so he can make a good impression on Mimi's father. Will sits down with Dr. Mumford and manages to impress him with his preppy act. When he sees his daughter walk in, Dr. No willingly introduces Kipp to her. He then leaves them alone, so they can get to know each other. Before Will can get a word out, Mimi reveals to him that she prefers bad boys "from the hood." Will reassures her that he is the man she wants, stating that he's not a preppy and that he only did because Carlton told him to. However, Mimi fails to see right through his homeboy act. He then calls over Carlton to get him to tell her who he really is. Instead, Carlton tells her his preppy name instead, sending Mimi walking out of the room. Will then strangles Carlton.
Back at home, Ashley is massaging Carlton's shoulders from his strangulation. Will blames Carlton for getting him into this situation, saying he knew that girls don't prefer preppies. Philip and Vivian walk in and ask Will how it went with Mimi. After Ashley told them he struck out, Vivian sits down beside him and tells him that while he took advice from his Philip, Carlton and Geoffrey, he has not gone to her, the most logical source. She tells him about how she had her share of admirers before marrying Philip. Her advice to him is to just be himself, then leaves the room with Philip and Ashley. Since Mimi prefers a guy from the streets, Will admits to Carlton that he's not taking her advice.
Later that night, Will and Carlton attend the ball, with Will dressed up in a gangster suit, taking on the alias of K.I.P (Conceived in Prison). The two go over the routine before approaching Mimi. Carlton leaves Will and her to dance. With Dr. Mumford at the party as well, Will spends the night alternating between his thug and preppy personas. He finally manages to impress Mimi, who apologizes for not seeing him for who he was earlier. She then insist on going somewhere to get busy, but before they can do that, she asks him to rap for her. As Will does his rap, he is spotted by Dr. No, who is disgusted by his hat and tells him to get out of his sight. An exhausted and frustrated Will admits that he is not prestigious or a thug, but was only trying to impress Dr. No and scare Mimi before chasing after another partygoer that walks by, later revealed to be a married woman whose husband leaves Will with a black eye.
- Will Smith as Will Smith
- James Avery as Phillip Banks
- Janet Hubert as Vivian Banks
- Alfonso Ribeiro as Carlton Banks
- Karyn Parsons as Hilary Banks
- Tatyana Ali as Ashley Banks
- Joseph Marcell as Geoffrey Butler
- Lisa Fuller as Toni
- Victoria Rowell as Mimi Mumford
- Richard Roundtree as Dr. Mumford
- Garon Grisby as Skip Nesbitt
- John Towey as Country Club Representative
- Carlton: Well Will, you certainly made a name at this country club. I wouldn't be surprised if they revoked our shuffleboard privileges.
- Will: That's fine with me man. This place is whack; I'm out of here. (sees a girl) Ooh, hold up! Ooh, all points bulletin, hormones to Will, hormones to Will!
- Carlton: Hold 'em yourself Will. That's Mimi Mumford. You can't get the first base with her unless you can impress her father. He's an eminent surgeon, a championship polo player, and around these parts, he's known as Dr. No.
- Will: Why they call him that?
- Carlton: Because he never says yes. No young man is good enough for his daughter.
- Will: Well, he's not gonna have chance to tell me no 'cause I ain't gonna ask.
- Will (to Carlton): If I could show her that I'm dangerous, I'll have her like that.
- Carlton: I'll bet you wouldn't.
- Will: I bet I would.
- Carlton: I'll bet you wouldn't.
- Will: I bet you wouldn't.
- Carlton: I bet you would.
- Will: See, I fooled you.
- Will (to Mimi and Dr. No): I'm not a young Republican from Connecticut and I'm not a hood from Bed Stuy. I'm Will Smith from West Philly and I've been busting my butt trying to impress you and trying to scare you, and I'm exhausted!
- Actor Richard Roundtree, who portrays Dr. No, portrays the reverend in the episode Hare Today... from Season 6
- He also played the original Shaft from 1971.
- This was the fifth episode to be produced, but the third to be broadcasted.
- This is the first episode to show a scene of dialogue before the opening theme.
- This is the last episode to use the extended theme opening.
- This is the first time Will talks directly to the camera.
- This is the first appearance of Hilary's friend, Toni.
- The song that plays during the montage is My Fair Lady.
- The episode name is a pun on the term "hubba hubba.
- In the scene where Will meets Dr. No for the first time, Will mouths the line 'string of Arabians' as Dr. No is saying the line. Frequently, Will Smith did this as a joke and the scenes had to be filmed again, but this one was missed.
- When Carlton says "How do you propose on going about it?" he is looking down as if Will's head is below him, but Will's head is above Carlton.
- When Carlton says "It isn't as easy as it looks." Will appears to be mouthing that line also.