|The Cold War|
|Airdate||December 7, 1992|
|Written by||David Steven Simon|
|Directed by||Michael Peters|
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
The Cold War is the twelfth episode of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air's third season which was first broadcast on December 7, 1992.
Carlton is very depressed after being rejected by Paula, unaware that she has left him for Will.
Meanwhile, Philip and Vivian receive and envelope from their doctor containing an ultrasound picture revealing the sex of Vivian's fetus. Not wanting to spoil their surprise in the delivery room, they entrust the sealed envelope to their butler, Geoffrey... then curiosity gets the better of them.
Carlton is depressed after being rejected by Paula, who has unbeknownst to him, started going out with Will. Will accidentally slips this out when Carlton scolds him for trying to take the last piece of cheesecake, angering Carlton that Will would backstab him like this. The two end up stuck in the pool house as they are both sick with the flu and end up in a pillow fight. After Carlton punches Will in the stomach, the two end up admitting fibs they told people about the other and make up.
Meanwhile, Phillip and Vivian receive an envelope from their doctor with an ultrasound revealing the baby's gender. To avoid knowing ahead of time, they give the envelope to Geoffrey but end up trying to bribe him in secret for the picture. They find out that the envelope contained a $25,000 bill for the baby.
- Ashley: Will, just a week ago, she was Carlton's girlfriend. Doesn't that mean anything to you?
- Will: Yes, Ashley. It means she's having a better week.
- Carlton: Okay, Will, I'm onto you.
- Will: Look, Carlton, man. I have no idea what you are talking about.
- Carlton: I'm not stupid, Will. It's all coming together. The runny nose, the watery eyes. You just couldn't keep your hands to yourself.
- Will: Look, look Carlton now, I know you are sick, probably a little delirious now. You probably had one too many of those children's Aspirin's or something.
- Carlton: That piece was mine.
- Will: You ain't get to get all nasty.
- Carlton: You shouldn't have done it, Will.
- Will: I know, I know Carlton. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have taken Paula out. You're right, man. She was coming onto me. I just couldn't resist, man.
- Carlton: Paula? I was talking about that last piece of cheesecake.
- Will (looks around and starts stammering): Uh, so was I. See, you ain't hip to it. See, in Philly, we name our food, right? Like cheesecake is Paul and uh, a Snack Pack is Boomsheeka. (walks towards the camera and speaks into to it) I can't see him. You can. Is he buying it?
- [Carlton's arms are folded and is sneering at Will]
- (When Philip and Vivian walk in with a Sonogram)
- Philip: Vivian, why are you making such a big deal about this? I say we do it right here, right now.
- Geoffrey: Oh good. A floor show.
- Will: My friend knows this squaw that he's completely in love with, but this particular squaw just broke up with his best friend. Now, he don't wanna diss his boy or nothing, but he'd like to know how long is a good time to wait before he... raids this squaw's village, if you know what I'm saying.
- Philip: Ummmmm. Interesting you should bring that up. I had a case like that come before me just recently.
- Will: Really?
- Philip: Word up. Now this guy started going out with his best friend's girl hours after they broke up.
- Will: Whoa, he waited that long?
- Philip: Well, this other guy didn't think it was that long. He was very jealous and he shot his friend.
- Will: Dead?
- Philip: No. Let's say he's, uh, two olives short of a martini.
- Will: OHHHHHH!
- Philip (looking at the sonogram): Oh my gosh!
- Vivian: What is it, a boy or girl?
- Philip: This isn't a Sonogram. It's a bill for twenty-five thousand dollars. This baby's costing me a fortune!
- Will: Congratulations, you're having a Hilary!
- Will (to Carlton): You've gone over the line. You don't never call a dude's mom.
- Carlton: Oh, so, it's ok to steal a guy's girlfriend so long as you don't tell his mommy about it.
- Will: No, no. This is serious. Even in ancient times, they would kill your cattle, they would burn your village and they would stone your family, but they wouldn't never tell your mother, man.